Because there is a problem with the Indian man. She is incompetent and does not understand intimacy, emotion or what women want
By no means is it intended to be an official treatise on Indian sexuality. A piece linked to the personal interest of a man in his 40s, surrounded by his friends, who often talked about sex in our All-Boys Club. By all accounts, everyone keeps everyone tied up all the time, or at least that’s how it feels for me.
Is this all man’s chest? Or something is the matter with me, I have often thought in private moments.
The question ended last week when my wife and I finally moved around to watch The Man Who Knew Infinity. Starring Dev Patel and Jeremy Iron, the film is about Srinivasa Ramanujan, acclaimed as a mathematician from India who died in April 1920 at the age of 32. A fleeting scene from the film hit a note in my head. Ramanujan’s wife is waiting for him in his conjugation bed. But he continues to lie on the floor, oblivious to her presence, answering complex mathematical problems in his mind.
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I cannot help that moment in our contemporary life, but end that time. By all accounts, most of us live and manage complex situations. The wife is the “house manager” and the husband is an “ATM” who goes to work so he has to refill at the end of every month.
Over the years, both roles have merged and things are even more complicated. Therefore, a lot of “management” such as “childbearing” and “housekeeping” are outsourced – either domestic help or a set of grandparents, whichever is easier. But something has to be given at some place. And its hypothesis is that it is sex.
Now, there exist all kinds of reports about the ideal number for a married couple to have sex. In all accounts, a consensus exists that two or three times a week is fine in the long run from a man’s point of view. Most people, it seems, can do with more. But these are all American numbers. I worked hard, but could not find anything India-specific. Therefore, I felt that I could do a study – not on a large scale – but one that provided fodder for the idea.
I zeroed in on 12 friends, all of whom I have known for a long time and know that I will be treated ruthlessly. Forgive me, but no woman was called because I own an all-boys club and she still has one. What we all are:
- We are in our early 40s.
- We got married 10-15 years ago.
- Some of us do not have children and others.
- We live long.
- We had discovered sex at the same time – and it was a very bad time ago.
- When we meet the “boys”, we keep talking about our “terrible sex life” and those “booty calls” we made in the “good old days”.
My questions for each of them were simple:
- Cut out jazz and tell me, how many times have you had sex in a month?
- Do you make time for loot calls?
The answers were varied.
• One stated that he has not had sex for years due to a medical condition.
• Two of them said that they did it several times a year with their wives. Not for anything else, but because their definition of sex has changed from “making” to “spending quality time”.
• Seven of them told me that it happens two to four times a month.
• One said that he could do with more, but allowed only six times a month.
• The only result was a hoax that finds time for 20 sessions.
• Everyone climbed anywhere between eight and 30 minutes of the act.
• There was consensus on one thing: “There is no bandwidth to deal with robbery calls.”
With this limited data, I turned to some people I thought could give me some perspective. The first call was made by psychiatrist Anugraha Mishra from New Delhi and Kuldeep Dutte, a psychologist from Mumbai, whom I visit frequently to dump.
“What’s wrong with your friends?” They need a way to have more sex. He needs help, “Mishra raids the phone. The reason for getting out is not good 20 times.” As the clowns are talking about sex morphing in quality time, it’s all nonsense, “he said thunderously.” There is no substitute for good sex. “
Dutt’s response was more subtle. There seems to be a direct connection between high intelligence and libido, he said, “men with high intelligence may have low libido”.
When I saw it, there are many studies that prove that this is indeed the case. For example, consider this paper published in The Cambridge Student Psychology Journal on “Sex and Intelligence”. It presents a number of theories that I thought were all interesting.
Dette believes that it is entirely possible that these men get a high out of what they are doing and that they “do not need sex to fulfill themselves or who they are. Their The chosen vow does this for them. ”Or my two friends who have sex only once in a blue moon.
“This is really the first sign that something is wrong with a relationship,” Mishra said. They are just trying to avoid each other. This is a polite way.
That said, I can’t help but wonder if the date is really right – about that sex maniac who was Albert Einstein? For this matter, was he the great philosopher Bertrand Russell, comedian Charlie Chaplin or, more recently, Bill Clinton? These are men with high IQ who cannot hold their zipper in place.
In an attempt to answer this question, Desmond Morris, one of my favorite zoologists, writes in The Telegraph: “Novel sexual experiences, for example, suddenly seem irresistible. It’s not just the sexual act that is so important – Which changes very little. It is the thrill of the chase and the excitement of a new conquest that drives them. Once conquered, the novelty of the chakra soon deteriorates and another chase ensues. . Each illegal episode involves stealth and privacy, a strategy and a terrible risk of strategy and discovery, making it an ideal metaphor for prime hunting. “
“It’s a hypothesis,” he says, but not necessarily true across the board, Dette says. “Then there are all kinds of biochemistry at work,” he says. As an example, he points to something popularly called the “Fidelity gene”, discovered a few years ago in a mammalian organism called the vole.
There are two types of volts. One-way and Playboy variety. Scientists have discovered that by altering only one gene, Casanovus becomes the fame version of his acrobatic cousin, who is now a minority, comprising only 5% of the family.
When all is said and done, both Mishra and Dutt agree in this way – both types of individuals who have little sex and who seek too much – are exceptions. They require professional intervention. But as I initially made clear, this is not intended to be an elaborate treatise on Indian sexuality – it is simply a set of personal commentaries.
So, I called yet another interesting man — Biju Dominic, CEO of Final Mile Consulting — and presented my so-called findings. He has a company that studies human behavior and suggests techniques to meet marketing, organizational and social needs. He is also deeply embedded in the Catholic Church and counsels couples who spend a lot of time together.
“I find it incredible,” he said, “in the land of Kamasutra, we place a premium on being celibate. In our country, celibacy is placed on a pedestal and it cuts across all religions.”
I could not agree more. What else tells which successful government has landed Mahatma Gandhi’s sexual pakadillos under the carpet. On the one hand, man preached celibacy; On the other hand, in his sex life, he was a wreck, by all accounts.
“It is the duty of every thoughtful Indian not to marry. If he is helpless regarding marriage, he should refrain from intercourse with his wife, ”he wrote in The Indian Opinion, a newspaper he then published.
“In India, as a rule of thumb, we don’t understand the difference between intimacy and sex for sex,” says Dominic.
“How many couples in the 40s do you hold hands or walk in public together? You can’t expect the bus to run to the bedroom and get into action. There is no place for public displays of affection in our country , Which is very important for a woman. I really advise couples that sex starts long before the bedroom. In the Indian context, even when putting your wife in front of children is looked down upon. . Why? For what? “
The way Dominic sees it, the same way a priest views the altar as sacred, a couple must treat their bedroom. This is his and his solitude. And it is the duty of spiritual leaders to tell their followers that in the same words. But as Indians, we all hesitate. “So, how can the frequency of having sex increase?” He asks.
When these questions were dealt with at a conference called by Pope Francis, the current head of the Catholic Church, the Indian delegation objected. He argued that our divorce rate is one of the lowest anywhere in the world. To which the Pope retorted: “Certainly, there is no divorce in your marriage. But is there passion in your weddings?”
Dominic says that he cannot agree more. They say, “Intimacy is practically missing,” when a girl marries in India, she is always told that she is not married to a man, but to a family, and to her way of life. Has a habit of living. Pulls and pressures him.
And here, Dominique says, the problem starts with the man. “They are ready for their lives for all their families. This is why Indian men do not learn to speak and behave emotionally. Therefore, nothing can be emotional in a long-term relationship. These are some Indian families, especially mothers who have sons, they also have to understand. “