What does OTPHJ mean? This page is about the various possible meanings of the acronym, abbreviation, shorthand or slang term: OTPHJ.
OTPHJ: Over The Pants Hand Job
OTPHJ: Over The Pants Hand Jobs
I Gave An OTPHJ: Over The Pants Hand Job And It Couldn’t Have Gone Worse
This happened in the second semester of my freshman year. At this point in my life I used to like calling a closet prostitute. I was still a virgin, but I gave a lot, if not a lot of blown away work. The weather was nice and I was going on a date with a lovely man who I met when our tongues met each other at a party. Needless to say, I was excited that someone is paying attention to me and really, that’s all that matters.
At the time, I was working at a cupcake shop, because what is hotter than a girl with big boobs and frosting? My date picked me up after my innings. Everything seemed fine while going to the secret place. We had made it out once before, so mainly we decided to focus on it to break the ice that this is the first time we would calm down.
He was a great guy. Loved helping children with special needs and spending time with their friends to rebel. He seemed like the perfect combo of good and a little dangerous. He took me to a hill that overlooked all parts of the city, and seeing that the best thing any man had ever done for me, I was ready to leave. with. As we climbed the top of this hill, things were getting better. The sun was setting, we were talking about the journey and my hair looked amazing just to get out of work.
Five seconds into looking at the beautiful view of the city, he stuck his tongue out my throat. It was not something I remembered, which was to be expected because the last time it happened I was on the verge of blacking out, but it was bad.
It was almost like he was trying to find some leftover frosting from my breakfast at the cupcake shop in my esophagus. Being optimistic that I am, I felt that I could teach him. I mean, he was a great guy and asked me to come on a date and take me on a date instead of watching Southpark while I was waiting for him to casually take his pants down. No, it was a good boy and I was going to give him a chance.
I don’t even remember how, but some way or another we ended up on the ground and I finally had some time to get wind. It was quiet, almost uncomfortably, but I was breathing. Just when I thought we were going to start a conversation again, he grabbed my hand and set his rock hard average penis. This man was as crazy as I thought. Most of my blowjobs happened as I did in a closet, you know, inside. I am not going to risk getting dirt in my mouth so he can remove his rocks, so I start giving him the Over the Pants Hand Job (OTPHJ).
Well, that’s too much. I can tell you about it because two strokes later he pronounces the words, “You can stop now.”
Oh what? No i mean ok but how? Has he … already?
He did this because the next thing he does is sit up and say, and I said, “Whelp, it’s sticky.” So of course, I get nervous. Who is this person who has never found a donkey in his life? What did I indicate for myself? If all the girls pounce on her, how can she do only two strokes?
I start to calm myself because really, how can it be any worse. I mean he was still a good guy and he would learn, right?
“I can’t believe we did this, I wanted to save everything for my wife.” Oh what? First of all, you can’t believe everyone did just that? Don’t you remember raising my hand five feet in the air and setting it on your dick? Secondly, if you really want to save everything, then you must not have put your hand on your penis!
Now, I know I made a mistake here, because that’s when I started giving her a rest. “It’s okay, it’s not really a big deal. We can act like it never happened and I won’t tell a soul.” Wrong word bitch because Jesus boy says it, “God will know . “
I have nothing against people who have faith. Unfortunately, I have left the church for the last 18 years, so I’m not sure what the old man said about hand jobs. Not a problem, as they started quoting the Bible word for word. I looked at him and tried to change the subject.
“Let’s forget about it,” I said. I tried to move on from the subject of Jesus and some more light and drunkenness.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked Casual, relaxing, inspiring, nothing can go wrong, right?
“I want to be a priest.”
great. I gave my first OTPHJ to a future priest. I am not sure of all the rules around heaven and hell, but I think it puts me in the category of ‘hell’. I was thinking that there is no way this could hurt anyone because hello, it was already terrible, but then it proved me wrong.
“Look Jesus boy, don’t worry about it, it doesn’t make you a bad person,” I said, trying to comfort him.
“But, it makes me a bad person, I can’t even look at you right now and tell you that you’re a good person, because you’re not,” he said.
Oh fine. You are right Just get the hell out of me here.
Somehow or another, we ended up walking back down the hill. I wasn’t already waiting for our uncomfortable ride home when he says to me, “I think we should just be friends.”
Needless to say that my first successful OTPHJ was also my last.